Awesome!

So due to a combination of a weird-ass work schedule (Hey, come in at 6 AM, Tucson's going to get hit with like 10 feet of snow and we're not sure everyone will be able to make it) and being too lazy to go to the grocery store, I haven't eaten much over the past week or so. Maybe 1000 calories over the past 4 days or so. Now, anyone who knows me knows quite well that I could stand to miss a meal or five, so I certainly didn't worry about it much.

Today on the way home from work, I was feeling pretty good. About 6 miles in, nice steady pace, I was certainly not prepared for what came next. I felt sluggish, like WICKED suddenly. My feet felt like they weighed a million pounds, and the bike was pedaling through Strawberry Jell-O. I don't know why it was strawberry, feel free to substitute grape or lime if that makes this work for you. My eyes got heavy, it was hard to keep them open, like when your girlfriend drags you to see Wimbledon on her birthday and you don't want to but you go anyways because deep down in those dark places you don't talk about you think Kirsten Dunst can be kinda-sorta attractive when she dyes her hair red in the Spider-Man movies.

Anyways, so I pulled over real quick, grabbed a quick drink, and then tried to move on again. Still nothin'. Now knowing how one of my cars feels, I wandered into the nearest Wal-Greens and grabbed some Gatorade, thinking maybe that'd help. I gulped it down and 5 minutes later, I felt fine again and went home.

Curious about what happened, I checked WebMD, then Wikipedia, and found it. I apparently had a "bonk". Or "bonked", it can apparently be used as a noun or verb.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonk_(condition)

Awesome, right? Firstly, "bonk" is a pretty awesome word. Plus my biker vocabulary is going to be all impressive now.

Guy #1. Man, I need to work on my cadence, I was spinning like 50 RPM going up that last hill.
Guy #2. Yeah dude I was totally going to say, you should maybe practice on some 5-3's and do a quick dropout run on the way home.
Me: I know, right? I totally bonked on the way home today!
Guy #1. What? Who the hell are you?
Me: I'm Kyle!
Guy #2: Well go fuck yourself Kyle, get outta here.
Me: Cool, good talk guys! Wheeeee, I'm an athlete!!

Anyways, apparently the trick to avoid Bonkitis while on a tour is to simply

A) Eat often
B) Eat a lot

I know it's going to take some serious dedication and perseverance, but I think... I think I might be able to do that. Seriously probably 85% of the reason I'm doing this is knowing I can eat Baconators for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner for 2 months and still end up healthier than when I started.